Marriage Is For Grownups

“When Amber and I got married the wedding invitations featured a cute little boy with a tuxedo and top hat, and a sweet little girl all dressed up in a formal wedding gown.  They seemed so happy, and why not?  After all it was their wedding day!   We look at pictures like that with a sigh and think “how cute.”   We know that it is merely a picture meant to be used for illustration and decoration.  No one believes that children, barely above toddler age, are really getting married.   Yet pictures like this, in some way do represent far too many weddings.  Too many children are getting married!  No not literally, but emotionally and developmentally.  Many people, regardless of their age, are too immature to get married.  They are children, and they act like it. 

Marriage is not for babies.  It requires a great deal of maturity. As we move forward, please do not confuse maturity with age.  They are not the same thing.  One can be well into their adult years and still be very immature.   Maturity encompasses the idea of full development.  In our context it means full development emotionally.   Those who are emotionally mature maintain and put to use wisdom and foresight.  They consider the future consequence of their decisions and actions.  In this sense, even those who are young can be quite mature.  Solomon wrote these words to encourage  those who are  young to be wise.  

Rejoice, O young man, in your youth,
And let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth;
Walk in the ways of your heart,
And in the sight of your eyes;
But know that for all these
God will bring you into judgment.
 Therefore remove sorrow from your heart,
And put away evil from your flesh,
For childhood and youth are vanity (Ecclesiastes 11:9-10)

There is no wiser decision that can be made than to follow in the ways of the Lord, even from a young age!  Yet, we also  take another point from this text.  Solomon gives the encouragement for the young man to put away sorrow and evil.  Doing this, especially at a young age, is indeed a mark of maturity. 

Solomon clearly dispels the myth that young people somehow should not hold as much culpability for their actions simply because they are young and immature.   Youth and immaturity are not valid excuses! Make no mistake; you will have to deal with the consequences of choices that are made.   The consequences of those choices could be characterized by happiness, joy, and satisfaction, or by sadness, regret, and lack of fulfillment, the difference between the outcomes is the application of wisdom and maturity.   The apostle Paul noted those points in his letter to the Galatians.  He penned: “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.  For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life”  (Galatians 6:7-8).   We know by observing the natural order of the world that the seed that is planted produces after its own kind.   Apple seeds produce apples; orange seeds produce oranges, and so forth.  The same is true in the spiritual realm, if we make choices to fulfill every desire of the flesh (a clear mark of immaturity), then we will reap the consequences of fulfilling every desire of the flesh.  It could be anything from a negative credit reporting, to STDs, to divorce, or even death.  Ultimately the result of poor spiritual choices will result in eternal punishment.  A mark of maturity is to consider the outcome of the choices you make.  It is to weigh the consequences, to take wise counsel, and to implement the best choice. 

Our culture glorifies a fairy tale view of marriage.  You know how it goes.  The bride and groom are two kids who are too young, from different sides of the track, with feuding families, and no money.  They have different ideologies, different religions, and different values.  Yet somehow love conquers all, and against all odds, they get married.  The story ends with them riding off into the sunset to “live happily ever after.” 

 Have you ever wondered what happens the next day, when they awake to the reality of marriage?    How will they deal with their lack of money?  How will they deal with their differing beliefs?  How will they deal with their feuding families?  Each of these is a major source of stress and contention in marriage relationships.  Applying wisdom, and approaching these things maturely prior to entering into the marriage covenant will go a long way in actually producing a marriage that is characterized as living “happily ever after.”

One of the major attributes of maturity is seeking wise counsel.  Solomon wrote “Without counsel, plans go awry, But in the multitude of counselors they are established” (Proverbs 15:22).    Elsewhere in Proverbs he penned, “Listen to counsel and receive instruction,
That you may be wise in your latter days” (Proverbs 19:20).    This principle rings true with most endeavors, but certainly regarding marriage.   The advice of parents, grandparents, elders, and other faithful Christians, should definitely be considered.  These people have a vested interested in your well being.  They also possess the ability to offer an outside prospective. In other words, they are not looking through the lens of infatuation. They can spot rifts and potential problems in the relationship that we tend to overlook because we are “in love.”    Older people can often time offer advice rooted in personal experience.  Faithful Christians can offer advice rooted in biblical truth.  Those who offer wise counsel should be part of the decision making process of those who are godly. Do not discount their legitimate concerns as merely “they just don’t like him or her.” Be honest enough to hear their concerns objectively (do not automatically view them as merely being critical), and consider them intently. 

In addition, those who are godly and wise, will seek counsel from the scriptures.   Peter notes that “… [God’s] divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue”   Did you notice what Peter pointed out?  God, in His inspired word, has given us all things that “pertain to life and godliness.”   We would do well to consult God’s word. 

Another mark of maturity is the ability to delay gratification.   In our society, we want things right now.   Have you ever watched toddlers play together?   Inevitably during the course of their play you will hear one or more of them loudly proclaim “mine!”  Many people get stuck in this phase.  No, we do not generally get into altercations with those around us, but we have to have what we want, when we want, and that is right now.     When making decisions with long term implications, mature people consider the present costs, as well as the long term costs.   Our choices have consequences.  If we make bad choices without counting the cost, then the results could be devastating.  Bad choices could affect our credit and the ability to purchase things down the road.  Bad choices could affect our relationship, and may even cause it to end in divorce.   Jesus, speaking of one who did not count the cost, said

For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost,

whether he has enough to finish it—lest after he has laid the foundation, and is not able

 to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying this man began to build and was

not able to finish (Luke 14:28-30).

A marriage made by people who demand and expect instant gratification is destined for failure.  There are many occasions in the marital relationship that require giving up on what we want now in view of what we need.  Also, there may be times when you must give up what you want in order that your spouse may get what they want.  

Along those lines, mature people can ascertain the difference between infatuation, lust, and love.   Are you a person who “falls in love” too quickly?     If every relationship you have had quickly moved to the point where the “L” word is used, you may want to step back and reexamine your life and future plans.   The biblical concept of love is not a romantic, dough eyed, tingly feeling.  It is not infatuation.  Rather, the Bible describes love in terms of action.   Paul discussed the concept of love in 1 Corinthians 13.  In verses 4-8, the inspired apostle describes love, not as a feeling, but in terms of the action that love does or does not take.  If you “fall in love”   with every person you’ve ever dated, how can you be sure that you truly “love” this one?  If we do what is the best for them, even when it inconveniences us in that we demonstrate love.    The key is to understand that our love is manifested in the things that we do, not the feelings we feel.  There is nothing wrong with those feelings. They are good in their proper place, but that are not a basis for a long-term relationship.  Many people have had short-lived marriages because they did not understand this simple truth. 

Akin to this is the matter of lust it too is often confused with love.    If you are involved in fornication or unclean behavior, then those acts can cloud your clear judgment.    Mature people are able to control themselves with respect to God’s commands concerning purity.

The concept of financial maturity is one of the more difficult points for me to discuss.  As a young man, I made some very poor financial decisions some of the consequences of which, Amber and I still deal with today.   I would have done well to consider the biblical principles that describe financial responsibility.   The bottom line is, if you have trouble covering your monthly recurring expenses, if you are in great debt, and cannot go month to month without the use of credit, you need to consider your level of maturity and readiness for marriage.   If both marriage partners are in similar financial positions, then you bring two separate sets of problems in to the marital relationship, and compound the problem.   It is no secret that one of the major stresses in any marriage is the issue of finances.  Mature people recognize early on that they are the stewards of God’s blessings.  Paul noted, “Moreover it is required in stewards that one be found faithful” (1 Corinthians 4:2).  We will go a great distance in making wise financial decisions when we understand that we are the managers of what God has provided for us.

Honesty is needed in any relationship, but especially in marriage.  No relationship can long endure if it is built upon the foundation of dishonesty and lies.  If we enter into a marriage covenant harboring secrets, or on the basis of untruths, then we are setting up the marriage for failure.  Honesty means that we tell all.  Part of the growth in a relationship is the ability to have trust in your partner.  If there is no trust, then the marriage stalls and digresses.  

There is a tendency within us to hide our past mistakes.  We do not like the feeling of vulnerability, so we bottle things up inside.  We attempt to hide our mistakes, bad choices, and sins. This is not productive.     At the end of every worship period of the Woodland Hills Church of Christ, we offer an invitation for those who need to make a  public confession of sin.  The purpose is to rely on our brothers and sisters in Christ to give us strength and encouragement.  It is to help us remain pure and free from sin.  This is God’s plan, James writes “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much” (James 5:16).  We confess our sins, and then as a family of Christians we go to the Father in prayer.  This helps us to move along in the process of healing.     Our marriage partner should be  the one who is closest to us on this earth.  They should be the one in whom we can safely trust. If we are hiding secrets, harboring guilt, and are not willing to open ourselves up to them, it will be difficult to provide a solid foundation  for the marriage relationship. 

Within the marriage relationship, many situations will arise that will test your maturity.  Before you enter the covenant of marriage,  take an honest look at yourself and your relationship.  Consider the wise counsel of those who are seeking your best interest.  If you look at yourself and realize that maybe you aren’t mature enough to get married, then step back for a while.   Work on the issues that face your life, and seek to develop maturity in those areas that are lacking.  It is possible to have a marriage that is “happily ever after", but it takes diligent effort by mature partners.   Are you grown up enough for marriage? 

Dealing with Anger

The wise man wrote “An angry man stirs up strife, And a furious man abounds in transgression” (Proverbs 29:22).    It should come as no surprise that anger and evil are closely related.  How many times have we heard people use anger as an excuse for their actions?   “I just got so angry I just couldn’t control my tongue.”   “I shouldn’t have slammed the door, but I was so mad”      “You make me so furious, I just could not control myself”       Anger is a God-given emotion, and is not of itself sinful.  The scriptures instruct “be angry and do not sin…” (Ephesians 4:26).   Thus, while we understand that anger itself is not evil, it also is not a basis or excuse to do evil.   The scriptures clearly show the importance of keeping ourselves from sin, even when we are angry.      Aristotle said “Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.”     This is the key!   While there is nothing wrong with the initial feeling of anger, it is vastly important that our anger is justified, properly placed, and managed without sinning.   

Psychologists define anger as “a feeling of tension and hostility, usually caused by anxiety aroused by a perceived threat to one's self, possessions, rights, or values” (Saunders, 2003).      Like heat, anger has degrees.    It helps us to properly understand anger and how to manage it appropriately, when we can define these degrees.  June Hunt gives the following degrees of anger.

            Indignation—simmering anger proved by something unjust and often perceived as justified. 

                Wrath—burning anger accompanied by a desire to avenge

                Fury – fiery anger so fierce that it destroys common sense

Rage – blazing anger resulting in loss of self-control, often to the extreme of violence and [possibly]     temporary insanity (Hunt, 2008)

These degrees generally build off of the next.  A general rule is that people do not fly off into fits of rage as a first response when a perceived need or expectation is not met.   If such seems to be the case, there is likely another, more deeply-seated cause for the anger.   It is crucial that we deal with the true cause of anger if we are to manage it effectively.  

As earlier noted, anger is not sinful.  The initial feeling of anger is merely an emotion that is a God-given response to circumstances around about us.    That is why the scriptures show us clearly that we should not allow anger to give us reason to sin.  “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26).  The key is to seek a resolution for the feeling promptly, so that it is not harbored to the point that it becomes resentment.    Harboring anger can have negative affects upon your personal life, work relationships, home life, etc.   Thus, as the inspired apostle notes “do not let the sun go down on your wrath.”    Resolve it quickly!

In seeking a resolution, it may be that we were wrong in our feeling and/or response to the situation.   The common, but completely wrong, way of considering anger says “I feel that I was wronged based upon my perception of fairness and what I have determined is right.  I have the right to be angry, and to express that anger in whatever way is natural to me.”      This is how most people, including Christians, feel even if they will not admit it.    Yet the scriptures paint quite a different picture regarding how we should respond to feelings of anger.  Peter wrote “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:6-7).   “The Message” renders it this way:

I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it’s your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.

We might understand it as it relates to anger like this.   “Because God rules over me, and I have submitted myself to his will, I will view these human disappointments as opportunities for growth in the Lord.   I will not use anger as a basis for sin, nor will I be controlled by it.  I will rather use it as an opportunity to, in faithfulness; behave in ways that are pleasing to God. ”   This is how anger should be viewed by the child of God.  It is often more difficult to do that it is to say, however.   

Often we allow our anger to serve as an excuse for our actions (or overreactions).    We allow past anger to become deep seated, and we allow those around about us to bear the brunt of our wrath.   This, while a common response even among Christians, is in truth an affront to a holy and righteous God.  Further it does not allow us to grow in the faith in the midst of such trials.    

How is it then that we should manage the feelings of anger that we experience?    You should first determine if the source of your anger is deep-seated, unresolved, resentment from some past event(s). In order to do this, you need to consider the reason for your anger.   This may mean honestly looking at yourself and realizing that you are harboring resentment. So often we can easily see this in others, but overlook it in ourselves.     When you do this and you pin-point the initial cause of the anger, you will be well on your way to bringing an end to the destructive actions   that emanate from the anger.    David  penned these words “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting”  (Psalm 139:23-24).      It is only by following the everlasting way, that those “wicked ways” that are within us can be removed.     When a person becomes a Christian, he becomes a “new creature” (cf. 2 Corinthians 5:17).  It is by following the word of God that our mind is renewed (cf. Romans 12:3), when we make application of the eternal principles of the gospel, we can overcome these sins that seek to take us captive.   It is through our understanding and application of God’s word that we can put these things away from us.    To the church at Ephesus, Paul wrote, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.” (Ephesians 4:31).    These things have no place in the life of the faithful child of God.   We must make the choice to put them away.  

Even if we do not harbor resentment or malice, we still will have feelings of anger from time to time.   It is also important to know how to manage these feelings in order that we do not sin.  One thing that some people do is bottle up their anger, and do not properly express it.   They may not even admit that they are experiencing the emotion.   This is not helpful.   If something angers us, this is not sinful.   We must insure that we do not allow it to be an excuse for sin.  Again, though, you must consider the source of your anger.  What is it that is making you angry?    Then, honestly look at why it is making you angry.   Are you expecting others to meet your standards?   (ex. “Doesn’t she realize that I work all day and expect quiet when I get home?”)    Do you distort the issue?  (ex. Do you generalize by saying things like “ you never …” or  “You always…” ?).    Perhaps you are using anger as a means to have some inner needs met.    Do you use anger to manipulate those around about you?   Do you have explosive outbursts to give yourself a feeling of significance?    Do you use controlling anger by demanding certain conditions of those around you so that you feel secure (Hunt, 2008)?    Anger is not a means to have needs met.   Using it in that way will have disastrous effects upon your life.   Your marriage life will likely be strained; children may be provoked to wrath (cf. Ephesians 6:4), and your home could be characterized by folks “walking on eggshells,” and ruled by fear, rather than one of nurture and love.   

The way to combat this is to trust in God and his word.   Peter said “as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue” (2 Peter 1:3).    The Lord has given us what we need to ensure that our needs are met. Rather than seeking to control or manipulate those around about you in order to give the perception of  the need being met,  learn to follow God’s plan and trust his will that you will be much happier because your needs will truly be met. 

 One way that we can do this is to consider Paul’s instruction to the Philippians: 

 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.  Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.  Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God,  but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men.  And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross (Philippians 2:3-8).

The primary reason for sin associated with anger comes from an attitude of selfishness.   The remedy is that we do not think of ourselves first, but we consider the feelings and needs of others before our own.  We look out for their interests.   As an example, Paul uses Christ who came from heaven in humility  and gave up the glory associated with his deity, in order that you and I might be partakers in his sacrifice.    Can we not let the same mind be in us?   So what if we are “wronged.”    The proper response is not to seek to control others or to manipulate them, but rather to look to their needs and interests before our own as Christ did.

 When we experience anger we should assess the reason for the feeling.  Is it really justified, or is it a result of a violation my own standard?    What response will be beneficial to the situation?   Is the issue so important that it needs to be addressed?   Will you, by addressing it, be able to change it? If not, there is no need to openly express your anger.      If it does require a response, choose your words carefully, and consider the long-term implications that they may have.  Also, do not automatically assume that the other person is wrong, there may be circumstances that you do not know which brought on the issue.  Solomon said “He who answers a matter before he hears it, It is folly and shame to him” (Proverbs 18:13).      Even if you are in the right, and the other person is in the wrong how much harm can be done if we are unyielding, and cruel?   What good is done by saying things that you will regret?      Paul encouraged the Philippians “ let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you know how to answer each one”  (Colossians 4:16). 

It is true that anger is not sinful, but it also is not a basis or excuse for sin.  It is wrong for the child of God to harbor malice and resentment, thus we must seek to resolve issues of anger both appropriately and in a timely manner.   “But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth…since you have put off the old man with his deeds” (Colossians 3:8-9). 

References

Hunt, June.   (2008).  “Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook.”  Eugene. 51,55.

Sanders.  (2003). Miller-Keane Encyclopedia and Dictionary of Medicine, Nursing, and Allied Health,

Seventh Edition.  Retrieved from http://medicaldictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Anger+(psychology)

Render Unto Caesar… Taxes

We live in a society that expresses a great deal of complaint regarding the paying of taxes.   No one likes to pay taxes, and most feel that somehow the tax structure is putting them at a disadvantage.  Many feel like the tax system is too complex, and should be replaced with something simpler.   

In addition to these concerns, other questions arise regarding the use of tax revenues.   In many cases tax revenues are applied to programs, agencies, and bureaucracies of which many citizens may disapprove.   Some of this disapproval may be due to personal scruple or political ideology; others are the result of the funding of things which are contrary to biblical teaching.   Because of these questions, some Christians  question their responsibility to pay taxes.   Is it right and biblical for Christians to pay taxes?   Are there occasions when Christians are afforded the biblical basis to withhold the paying of their taxes?   

In truth, the answer to these questions and objections are given at the very heart of Jesus’ answer to the Pharisees concerning taxes.   The account of this event is found in Matthew 22:15-22, Luke 20:20-26, and Mark 12:13-17.    Luke records it in this way:

 So they watched Him, and sent spies who pretended to be righteous, that they might seize on His words, in order to deliver Him to the power and the authority of the governor.  Then they asked Him, saying, “Teacher, we know that You say and teach rightly, and You do not show personal favoritism, but teach the way of God in truth: Is it lawful for us to pay taxes to Caesar or not?”  But He perceived their craftiness, and said to them, “Why do you test Me? Show Me a denarius. Whose image and inscription does it have?” They answered and said, “Caesar’s.” And He said to them, “Render therefore to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” But they could not catch Him in His words in the presence of the people. And they marveled at His answer and kept silent.

There are a lot of lessons that may be learned from considering these passages.  We can see the wickedness of men who used flattery in an attempt to trick the Lord.  We can see the wisdom of Christ’s answer that left the Pharisees speechless.  And, we can see the answer to the question before us now.  Jesus said “Render therefore to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s…”     The child of God bears the responsibility to pay his taxes. 

Paul, in his letter to the Christians at Rome noted the importance of children of God to be subject to the governing authorities.   He wrote “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God” (Romans 13:1).    Paul points out the reasons for this in the following verses.  He notes that one role of government is to punish evil (cf.  Romans 13:4-5).    In that vein, he penned these words “For because of this you also pay taxes, for they [the governing authorities] are God’s ministers attending continually to this very thing. Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due, customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honor to whom honor” (Romans 13:6-7). 

The responsibility of Christians to pay taxes is clear in the context of these passages.  There is no provision made for withholding them because we may disagree with the governmental use of the revenues.   It is true that our government today funds, with tax dollars, some programs that are reprehensible.  Yet the same could be said of the Roman government during the early days of the church.     However, this was not an excuse to forego the requirement. 

 Consider an example in Jesus’ life wherein he was called upon to pay the annual temple tax.  This was a Jewish tax that was paid annually by Jewish males, and used for the preparation of the temple for the Passover season.    In Matthew 17, Jesus was teaching his disciples.  In verse 24 they came to Capernaum, and Peter was called upon to pay this tax.    The text records,  “When they had come to Capernaum, those who received the temple tax came to Peter and said, ‘Does your Teacher not pay the temple tax?’  He said, ‘Yes’” (Matthew 17:24-25).  In  verse 27, we learn that the coin for the tax would be provided in a miraculous way, yet one point that we note is that Jesus ensured that this tax was paid. 

Think about this though, this coin went into the temple treasury.  This is the same temple that Jesus had previously cleansed, driving out those who were wicked (John 2:14-16).  He would do so again, and pronounce its destruction (Matthew 21:12-13).    This temple represented a system that would soon come to an end, and that in A.D. 70 would be utterly destroyed.    The leaders of this temple would pay 30 pieces of silver to Judas for Jesus’ life.  Yet the tax was paid.     When those collecting the tax came to Peter and asked if Jesus paid the tax, there was no long speech about how he did not pay for things that he did not support.   Peter’s answer was simply “yes.” Jesus paid his taxes, even when he may have disagreed with the intended use. 

Christians should be the best citizens, and always subject to the governing authorities “not only because of wrath, but for conscience sake” (Romans 13:5).  God has given the government its authority for a purpose.   It is the duty of Christians to submit to the authority of that government, even in the paying of taxes. For in doing so we submit to God’s authority.  “For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God “  (Romans 13:1)  We see that there is no biblical bases to exclude oneself from the responsibility, even when the proceeds of those taxes fund programs which are contrary to biblical precept.   We also note that in Christ, the perfect example, we see his willingness both in teaching and practice to “render therefore to Caesar the things which are Caesar’s and to God the things that are God’s” Can we, his followers, do any less?  

Friends Forever?

It has been said that people only have one or two “good friends.” You know ,the kind of friends that you can talk to about matters of great importance including those that may need some discretion as well. They are the kind of friends with whom you share joy and sorrow . These are the friends that are dear to you, that you trust and that you have fun with, that you cry with. They are the type of friends that are there through good times and bad. I believe it to be true that really at any given time people are only capable of having a very few really good friends. Yet looking back over my own life, I’ve seen because of changes in circumstances, those “good” friends are exchanged from time to time.

Clara Odelia Ciutara penned these words

TRUE FRIEND
Friend gives you smile
But true friend gives you happiness

Friend will lie about you
But true friend won’t tell your weakness

Friend knives your back
But true friend will slog your face

Thousands friends come when you’re happy
But only one true friend comes when you cry

Friend comes when he needs you
But true friend comes when you need him

Friend leaves when everybody does
But true friend comes when everybody leaves

Friend comes and leaves
But true friend is yours forever (http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/true-friend-55/)

For instance during my elementary school days, Jeremy was my best friend. We played on the playground, spent the night at each other's  house, made prank calls, etc. We liked the same things and spent quite a lot of time together.  Yet as we grew and by the time we made it to middle school things had changed. Our classes were different, and we didn’t see each other much at school. Jeremy later moved to Oklahoma and I haven’t heard from him since. Thus ipso facto, a new “best friend” was found to take his place.

During my junior high days, Doc was my closest friend. Like Jeremy we spent a lot of time together, liked the same things, and enjoyed one another’s company. Middle school was the time when we first started noticing girls. Of course, I was as dorky as they come and “notice” was about all I did. Doc had a girlfriend or two during that time, and I remember we’d have our parents drop us off at the movies, or the skating rink and we’d spend our free time on the weekends trying to pretend we were “cool.” I failed miserably at that one. Of course as way leads on to way, by the time we reached high school things changed yet again.

Thus, Doc was replaced.

Brandon was a good friend in high school (and even thereafter). He remained quite constant in my life for a long time. Brandon and I became friends for a number of reasons. We went to church together. We met in the seventh grade when his family moved to town, and his parents and mine became good friends rather quickly. Thus, we spent a lot of time together. We would stay up late on the weekends and rent videos, or watch the “B” movies that they played on the USA channel’s “Up All Night” Program. We had a lot of great times and helped one another through our awkward teen years. We remained friends even after our high school days and helped each other with some difficult times. He is a true friend and I am glad that he was one of my closest friends at such a crucial time in my life. Unlike the others, Brandon and I did not just “drift” because of circumstances. With Brandon it was my own foolish decision that drove a wedge between us. We remain friends even now, but this are not like they were during the proverbial “back then.”

Another really good friend during those High School days was Carlos (though he also answered to “Josh” or “Joe.” But that’s a long story best saved for another time). Josh lived a block away from me my whole life, yet we didn’t really become good friends until we were in High School. We were Law Enforcement Explorers together, and we spent our weekends riding with the officers of the Pampa Police Department (like I noted earlier, I was a huge nerd). My senior year and his junior we each had vocational welding classes at the same time. I had mine in the ag shop, his was in the welding shop. Under the guise of “working on a major project,” we would each tell our respective teachers that we were going to work on this project in the classroom of the other, t which time we met at my truck and cut class. I could tell a litany of stories of all the ridiculous things that we did in High school, but I probably should wait until the statute of limitations runs out. In all actuality though, I need to devote one of these blogs to some of those stories. Josh and I spent a lot of time making big plans for the future. Little did we know that our future would be nothing at all like the plans we made. We took different paths. We are still friends as well, but again the closeness that characterized our younger days has dissipated. We keep in touch from time to time, and he remains on my list of folks that I would drop what I was doing to pull him out of the ditch.

After high school, I remained close friend with Brandon and Josh for a number of years. And though I do still consider them both friends now, the closeness that once was there is gone because of miles and circumstances of life.

As life continues to  realign, new opportunities present themselves.


Who will be the new best friends in years to come?

What circumstances will it be that bring us together and cause us to develop this bond?

How long will it last?

Who will follow?

The answers to these questions are yet to be answered, but life, circumstances, and issues are all fraught with possibility. Thus I am thankful for the contribution that each of these has made to my life, and I know that I would not be who I am without their mark. The time we spent as best friends gave me perspective that helped to make me the man that I am today. The experiences that we had helped to forge those friendships. Each of these guys will always be a friend to me, and they each will still hold some variable level of “closeness,” but time, chance, and circumstance present new opportunities for new close friends. I will embrace those chances for possibility and growth.

A Few Things That Get On My Nerves

Recently I read an article about the top phrases that should be dropped in 2011. The list contained things like the term “viral” to reference a Youtube video that has a great many hits, and the trite and over-used term “epic.”

You can find the article here

While I agree completely with almost every word on the list, I have decided to put together a list of a few words and phrases, in addition to people and institutions that I find caustic, trite, and excessively annoying. Consider the following in no particular order.

“Hubby” to refer to a woman’s husband. I don’t know why, but that sounds so stupid to me.

The phrase “Lifting a person/ thing/situation up in prayer.” I find this phrase so annoying because it reeks of pseudo-pious nonsense. It’s not a real Bible phrase, but rather is brought to us from the annals of evangelical twaddle. It should be returned to the drivel heap with other inane phrases like “Preach the Man, not the Plan” and “The Holy Spirit laid it on my heart.”


“BFF,” and actually most other “texting” abbreviations. I don’t mind all the texting abbreviations that much, as long as they are found actually in texts. However, when you use them in your facebook status or in an email makes you look ignorant.

“Lady Gaga.” Everything about her is ridiculous, and I have no idea why she’s famous! Incidentally, I feel exactly the same way about the Kardashians. Since when do people become famous for simply acting like monumentally colossal morons?

Sarah Palin’s accent. I love the woman’s politics. I read her first book and really enjoyed it. Yet, her accent and all those references to “mama grizzlies” walks all over my last nerve! I might vote for her for president, but I wish if she won someone else could give her speeches.

Comedians that are famous, but not funny at all. These would include such gems as Jimmy Fallon, Kathy Griffin, and Dane Cook. I have no idea why these people have any presence on television and in movies.

The Nationwide Insurance commercials with the goofy guy saying things like “Nationpam is on your…” Whatever, I always change the channel.

The term “Preggo” in reference to a pregnant person. They’re having a baby, not turning into spaghetti sauce!



People who wait till the last second to merge when a lane ends. This was never a huge issue to me until I moved to Houston (there’s not a lot of traffic in the panhandle of Texas). You’ve seen these inconsiderate derelicts that saw the “lane ends in 1000 feet” sign, but rather than merging, they choose to bypass those who followed the sign and then force their way into the moving lane. Listen, you ignoramus, you are the reason the traffic is backed up! If you would merge when the sign says “merge” the world would be a better place for everyone!

I really could go on as I’m generally a cynical complainer. However,I’ll allow you to chew on these for a little while.

Everything I Ever Needed To Know, I learned in a Greasy Spoon

The Cowboy Poet Darin Brookman penned these words: 

The Coffee Shop Cabinet

They all meet each day at the coffee shop
Or at their local cotton gin
To discuss the whole world's affairs and why,
We’re in the shape that we’re in.

A dirty hat’s the only requirement
If you think you wish to convene,
At this high level summit meetin’ of these
Political analyst in jeans.

Be forwarned the debates can grow heated
And They’ll digress to callin’ names.
Till the chairman wisely calls a recess
To discuss the last home ball game.

Their agenda will vary widely from
The price of wheat to acid rain.
There’ll be two experts on ever’ subject
To explain what needs to be changed.

Whether it’s U.S. Foreign Policy,
The trade imbalance, or inflation.
Each one will have a sure fire remedy
For the ills that plague our nation.

I’ve wonderd why our learned congressmen
Will spend millions every day.
Trying to find ways around the obstacles
That spring up in our countries way.

When they could just use a little slack time,
Go hunt one of these meetings up.
And easily find the answer they seek
For the small price of one hot cup.
(Brookman, Darin, “Those Who Came Before and Other Poems,” Darin Brookman, 1993, Hollis Oklahoma)

The words contained in the poem brought back memories of my younger days in the Texas Panhandle.


The Saturday mornings of my youth were spent mostly at a local greasy spoon diner called The Black Gold Restaurant. I grew up in the middle of the oil patch that was found in western Oklahoma and the eastern panhandle of Texas. Thus the name “Black Gold” came from the rich oil culture (if you can call it rich) in the area. The problem was, during the 1980’s the oilfield in that area went bust, and a lot of folks were left without work. My dad was one of those unfortunate souls. He eventually found employment with the school district as a maintenance worker. My mother, in my pre-adolescent years, worked as a school cafeteria lady. She later would take a job with the state at the prison when I was in middle school. I say all of that to make this point. I grew up in a traditionally “Blue-Collar” household. We didn’t jet-set all over the globe in search of a good time or bounce from place to place in search of the next big thing. We lived a simple life. We held to traditional values: God, family, hard work, and honesty. It was largely from these things that we derived our greatest pleasure.

One of those “pleasures” was the time spent in that little greasy spoon. It was the kind of place that was filled with smoke, and had blue plate specials. A couple of nights a week, a local musician would set up and play for tips. Places like that have their own traditions, and this place was no different. It was the picture of every other small town diner in every other small town in rural America.
The restaurant itself was associated with a small home-owned, and somewhat rundown motel. You know the kind; single story and reeking of curry. It offered cheap rooms, and resided in a once booming, now dilapidating area of town.

The restaurant however, was somewhat different. Though the physical structure was owned by the motel property owners, it was leased to the restauranter. It derived most of its business not from hotel patrons, but from the regulars that frequented the establishment for big breakfasts, greasy cheeseburgers, or just a cup of coffee and some lively discussion.



The place was set up diner style, and when you walked in, there were two prominent tables that naturally caught your eye. The first was peopled by farmers, retired guys, and widowers. They were there basically every day, and spent much of the day there discussing current events, politics, conspiracy theories, grain prices, and the general inanity of life.

The other was filled with school maintenance workers like Jerry and my dad. There were others who were employed at local oilfield contractors, and other blue-collar capacities.  There was Sam and his wife Jody. I never really was sure what Sam did for a living, but Jody was a nurse at the hospital. There was C.R. and Agnes, he had worked his entire life at a local service station, and served as a deacon in one of the more conservative Baptist churches in Town. This table was what the regulars termed “The Table of Knowledge.” Jerry was the jokester of that table, and gave it its name. The conversation was usually light-hearted and filled with puns, quips, and wisecracks. Time would be spent making up fictitious events such as the annual “HogFest,” complete with a pig-chip throwing contest, a pig-nic on the ground, and the bestowing of the coveted title of “Hog Queen.” There were discussions of big dreams, high hopes, and reminiscing about old times. They would recall humorous stories or past events that happened and would usually bring a bout of rousing laughter from the table.

As restaurants go, it was no 5 star, suit and tie kind of place. It was locally owned, the food was greasy, cheap, and piled on the plate. The coffee was sometimes stronger than you might want, but it was always fresh. And the conversations were always lively. I recall with fondness those times!

A few years ago, the Black Gold restaurant closed its doors. The owner rented another building, changed the name, and conducts a similar business. For me though, it’s not the same. I don’t know what it is, but something is missing somehow. Maybe the wornout carpet, or the rips in the booth seats, maybe the set up of the place, or maybe there was something special about that old cinderblock building in the southward moving side of town. I can't really say as I know. A place like that just has a lingering presence and it leaves an imprint on you.

You know, there are places like that in little towns all over. Places where friends meet to eat a great hamburger and have a cup of coffee, while sharing joyous memories. Restaurants offering a table where widowers come to convene with those of like mind, or sometimes enter into great disagreement. Places where the life-educated minds meet to discuss the problems of the world and offer their solutions and thoughts on everything from current events to the moon landing. Yet in all of those places, among the regular faces and the coffee stained cups, there’s a sort of fellowship, a sense of belonging. It is all held together by the thick smoke, florescent lighting, and constantly brewing pot of coffee.

The 40 Day Pledge

Glenn Beck - Current Events & Politics - Make the Pledge - 40 Days and 40 Nights


In the above link, Glen Beck offers a challenge. I came across it this morning and I thought,"Wow! this is a great idea." This idea is one that is rooted in Biblical precept and truth, and one that is much needed in our nation. I offer the same challenge to you.


Faith:

Start today! Go out to Walmart, or Office Depot and purchase a spiral notebook. Or Better yet, get one that you have laying around and tear out all the pages with writing. Then draw a horizontal line accross the middle of each page until you have 40 sections. Put today's date at the top of the first section, tomorrows, at the top of the second, and so forth. Now, start to write down things for which you will pray. (eg. start with repentance and reconciliation, then go on to your thanksgivings, and supplications.) Do not forget to mention this nation, those members of congress, our president, etc.

As you begin to pray, consider such biblical passages as

James 5:16b--"The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." We must realize that for prayer to be effective, this passage conditions it upon 2 things.

First, that it be fervent. Prayer is not a series of recited words and phrases mumbled thoughtlessly, but rather it is the method by which children of God approach the Father to honor and worship Him, as well as to allow our requests to be made known to Him.

Second, that it be offered by a "righteous man." The nature of sin is such that it separates us from God. Isaiah 59:1-2 records " Behold the Lord's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save' Nor His ear heavy. that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have separated you from you God' and your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear." Thus the importance of praying for repentance and reconciliation to God. We are able,through Christ as our advocate, to have our sins forgiven as Christians, if we will repent and confess them to the Lord (Acts 8:22, 1 John 1:9; 2:1-2).

In addition, Consider the fact that prayers are to be made with thanksgiving. The apostle Paul, through the Holy Spirit's inspiration, penned these words " do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God" (Philippians 4:6). So often we take time to ask God for things, yet we never take time to thank God for His answer to our prayers. We can trust that if we ask according to His will, He hears us ( 1 John 5:14). Let us always seek to know his well by studying the Bible (2 Timothy 3:15), and making our prayers and supplications according to His divine teaching. When we do that, we truly can pray to God thankfully.

As you are working on renewing and refreshing your faith, another aspect is to dedicate yourself to purity, and godliness. Put away from yourself those things which are sinful. Paul wrote "only let your conduct be worthy of the gospel of Christ" (Philippians 1:27). Our language, should be free from cursing and "seasoned with salt" (Colossians 4:6). Dedicate yourself to faithfully assemble with local congregation of the Lord's church (Hebrews 10:25), and continually grow in the grace and knowledge of God (2 Peter 3:18), this is done by studying His word.


Hope:

According to the scriptures, in one sense there is only one hope (Ephesians 4:4-6) This of course is the hope of everlasting life. However, in the context of this admonition, we turn our attention to the general idea of "hope" that is encompassed by the greater promise of eternal life. That is things that we may hope for even now. Hope is the idea of eager expectation. Paul wrote to the church at Rome "For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." Hope, as noted in the link, is rooted in truth. There is no "hope" if there is no eager expectation. If we truly hope we will live as though we posses this hope. We should be honest, moral and forthright.


Charity:

Charity, in the scriptures is the idea of "agape love" That is an unselfish love. Love that seeks the best interest of others. The apostle noted in 1 Corinthians 13 some characteristics of this type of love. Notice:

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Charity never faileth (1 Corinthians13:4-8a)

When we consider the this concept,we can understand the long suffering nature of charity, or "love" it rejoices in the truth, thinks no evil, endures through the roughest of times. We should cultivate and manifest this in our lives at all times.

Beck got his quote of "faith, hope, and charity" from this section of scripture where the text notes "And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity" ( 1 Corinthians 13:13). In the context, the apostle is comparing the things that are temporary and in part (ie. the miraculous manifestations of the Holy Spirit), with those things that would remain after the end of such things. Faith, Hope and Charity remain. Yet the greatest of all of these is charity. Our actions ought to be motivated by genuine concern for others. We should seek what is in their best interest, even if it means foregoing our desires at times.
Do something "charitable" for each member of your family. Something out of the ordinary, every week during the next 40 days. Surprise your wife with flowers for no reason. Send a card and express you love. If your like me, clean up your own mess, and do the dishes. Do nice things for your kids and other family members. Plan it out, write it down, and follow through.

I would also encourage you do do something charitable for a perfect stranger each week. Maybe pick up someone's ticket at a restaurant, offer to help someone with their groceries, mow a neighbor's lawn. You can be creative, just remember the Hebrew writer penned these words "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares" (Hebrews 13:2)

So, there it is, the challange. What will you do with it? Will you follow through? There is nothing bad that can happen, yet it has the potential to open a new, better your. Yet more importantly to encourage you to draw closer to the God of heaven. as James wrote "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded" (James 4:8)

Resigned to Mediocrity

I have never been exceptional at anything. I look back over my childhood at attempts at sports, band, UIL contest participation, etc. When I view these ventures, I realize how mediocre that I actually was, and I suppose, to some extent, remain to be. It’s not as though I view it, necessarily, with some malcontent.  Rather I see it as an observation of the inevitable verity.

I remember my attempts at little league baseball. In Pampa, Texas, the whole program is sponsored by the Optimist club. (I know given the topic, for me pessimist would likely be a better moniker.) I was the catcher in Tee-ball! I was given the responsibility of watching from behind the tee to make sure that somehow a hit off of a tee didn't go foul. Also, when you’re dealing with five and six-year olds, there aren't a whole lot of attempts at beating the ball home from third. "Catcher" in tee-ball is the position they give the kid that they have to play because the rules require it. I was that kid. I was the one who was only on the field because the rules of the club required that I play at least some portion of the game.

I moved into the higher leagues, and the trend remained true. I remember I was chosen as bat-boy at the all-star game because I had “good hustle” and "made every practice.” In case you’re wondering, this was a nice way of saying I stunk at the game, but I did deserve some recognition for either ignoring this fact or being to dumb to know it. During the regular season, I played right field, of course. Right field in little-league, like catcher in Tee-ball, is where they stick the kid whose forced onto the field by the “rules”. My attempts at basketball, tennis, swimming, and even FFA (yes you read it right, FFA, I couldn’t even show hogs effectively), were not unlike my initial experience playing baseball with the Optimists.



I was speaking with my Brother-in-law recently concerning our childhood, and even some of our current interests. In doing so, we reminisced over our time in the Pampa High School Band. Josh, who is quite talented both in the musical and theatrical arts, even studying the latter at Texas Tech, served as the drum major his junior and senior year. I on the other hand, was the only trombone player to graduate in 1998. When the next school year started, Mr. Collins, the director, in his first speech to the Trombones of that year said “Well at least we didn’t loose anything.” I will gladly admit that I was not the best of trombone players, and I don’t doubt that there really was nothing missing after I left. The reality of this truth is only underscored by the director’s observation.

I even now look at my own attempts at playing the guitar. I can string a few chords together, and finger pick a little. Yet, I’m nowhere near the player that most people would be after playing for four years. I’ll not be playing in any Willie Nelson tribute bands anytime soon. And, I don’t play by ear at all.

I don’t recount these things with an attempt to encourage sadness, or beg for condolence. I don’t want either. It’s just that there comes a time when one needs to embrace reality. I’ve never been outstanding at anything. In general I’ve been average, sometimes a little above, sometimes a little below, but average just the same.

As I noted, it’s not so much a complaint but rather an embracing of the clear corporality and tangibility of such truth.

To help in illustrating my point, consider the following poem entitled “Something and Nothing” written by Sophie Hannah:

Something and Nothing

If you had known how little
you would have had to give
to drum into this brittle
hope the desire to live

would you have changed the venue,
your greeting or your tone
or planned things better when you
knew we’d have hours alone

and if you heard a hollow
voice spit these ill-advised
questions, would nothing follow?
I wouldn’t be surprised.
(First published in Poetry Review, Winter 2004/2005)


Hannah, seems to capture quite well my sentiment. Even given the chance at better preparation, and if given the knowledge of needed questions, I probably wouldn’t have changed any of it. I doubt I would possess the ability to make those changes.

So what’s the reason? is it all mentality? Are some people mediocre because we repress or depress the inklings of greatness? Or, is it that most people must be average in order to provide a bell curve for life?
I openly accept the fact that I don’t inspire great confidence in people. I  know that my life will not be recorded in history textbooks as one who changed the course of the world. I resign myself to the knowledge that someday I will die, and what will be left of me on this earth is the memories of those who knew me. Then, within 100 years , I will simply be a name on a family tree and a fading inscription on an old gravestone somewhere. I suppose that should bother me, but for some reason, it doesn't.

"Hearts, Like Muffled Drums, Beating Funeral Marches to the Grave"

I have spent the last few days in contemplation of death. Not as some morbid pre-occupation, but rather because of recent events. Of course the observance of Memorial day and the images of the headstones row by row lining the graves of those who paid the ultimate price to advance the cause of liberty and in defense of this nation has drawn my thoughts in that direction. Also, it was 2 years ago that my grandmother and my uncle passed away on consecutive days. It brings to mind an old poem written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow entitled “A Psalm of Life.” So much of his sentiment in the verse can have direct bearing to my feeling. Consider its words now.

A Psalm of Life
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Tell me not in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou are, to dust thou returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each tomorrow
Find us farther than today.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, - act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sand of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us then be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.


I recall with some sadness my relationship with my grandmother. I was by no means the model grandchild. It’s not that I did things necessarily to “shame” the family (I suppose that job was left to my cousins).  I just lived in general procrastination and dalliance of what I should have done in relation to her. As an example, some months after her death I found some Mothers Day cards in my desk that I took the time to fill out, yet never sent. I always intended to call, but always put it off. Things like that characterize the relationship that I had with my grandmother. If I have learned one thing in regard to such an attitude it would be to act now! All of the things I should have said or done have lost their place. They hang eternally on the wall of “what I should have done.” In Longfellow’s words “Act, - act in the living Present! Heart within, and God o'erhead!” There is no time to change what you should have done once the chance is gone.

Longfellow also wrote “Be not like dumb, driven cattle! Be a hero in the strife!” When I think of my uncle Gary, I cannot help but bear in my his  character. I’m reminded of the song “That He Didn’t Have to Be” sung by Brad Paisley. When my uncle met my aunt, she was single with two daughters and a widowed mother who all needed something. Uncle Gary was it! He filled a huge hole in the Jones family. Yet with his passing, the gaping maw once again is there only this time it’s larger. He was an excellent provider, a model husband, a good father, and a son-in-law that was more like a son. He left behind an example for me in my own life that I often do not live up to. It was after him that our second son was named.



Yet while these things, always ensconced in my mind, make their way to my consciousness.,  the preparation of a funeral sermon has also driven my ponderings. I came to Conroe in August, 2009 while Amber and I vacationed in Houston to visit friends. Little did I know that that vacation would lead me to  the work that I do with the Woodland Hills church. During that visit I made the acquaintance of a tall stately looking gentleman whose wife had relatives in Dumas (I live there at the time). The memory of this handsome couple, James and Lou Ann Webb, remained in my mind. When we moved here, it came to my attention that James suffered from heart issues. Yet in my visits with him it seemed not to worry him. Though his issues were ever pressing, he did not allow them to daunt his smile or optimism. He passed from this life on June first. He was a faithful member of the church here, and his absence from the assemblies will be sorely missed. The time I have spent looking over his godly life is indeed reflective of Longfellow’s words:

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sand of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.


To contemplate death from time to time, I am quite sure, is natural to us all. To think of the legacy, or perhaps lack thereof , that we will leave behind can be a breathtaking and even fearsome task. What will others remember of me? Will others remember me, or will I simply be a name on a headstone and in a family tree that is forgotten within a hundred years? Even further still, what will happen to me? Do I have an immortal soul? Longfellow expressed the following sentiment that serves as an fitting conclusion.

Tell me not in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou are, to dust thou returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.